The entry of Kitty and Dr. Captain Gray’s garden smells of Sweet Bay Magnolia, it is heady and penetrating much like experiencing this magical memorial water haven is for most visitors. It is a space that memorializes beings that they have loved and lost. It is a garden that is not simply a plant growing here and a path winding there, it is an extension of the couple’s life, their loves, and their past and present and future, it is a story that is told with elements of nature and man intermingled to form a magical, spiritual place. As one of the Gray’s inscribed rocks states, “Each flower is a soul opening out to nature.”

The Gray’s had a remarkable son, Ryan. He was appointed by Larry Brown as the lucky charm for the University of Kansas Men’s Basketball team and he must have had some transcendental karma for the team of underdogs won the National Championship under Ryan’s watch. Coach Brown and Ryan met one afternoon while Ryan was wielding his electric wheelchair around the neighborhood that they both lived in. Coach wrote Ryan a letter asking him to join the team, attend practices, and at the home games he would have a seat of honor right at the end of the bench. Kitty recalls with laughter, “We weren’t sure if Coach Brown understood that Ryan wasn’t in some electric toy but was actually wheelchair bound.” The relationship flourished and Ryan became not only an inspiration for the team but the entire town of Lawrence and the Jayhawk faithful everywhere.

Sadly, Ryan was lost to disease in 1990 he was only 18 years old. Kitty remembers how Ryan’s death changed their landscape, “We had a huge change in our lives when we lost Ryan. We thought of moving to another house. But, we really felt like his essence is here in this space. So, our water garden could never be too big or have too many plants because it is all an ode to Ryan and a way to help us to heal.” The Gray’s gummite pool was eroding and the family knew that in its place a memorial garden to Ryan would rise up. They knocked out a wall of the pool and extended the gummite, twisting and turning it throughout the backyard. Captain says, “If you took away all the bricks and rock work it would look like Worlds of Fun.”

Luckily, the Gray’s garden is not a stark, bleak, cold environment to memorialize love’s lost. This place is about the living, it is teaming with life. From the thousands of tadpoles clinging to a mossy edge gripping with all their might hoping to get big enough before one of the hundreds of gold, black or pearl-colored goldfish eat them, to the blue heron that makes the occasional visit, to the rabbits that are clearly at the top of the food chain hopping around almost as if they were trained family pets. Even in death life is born unto this garden with the remains of the family dog, Murphy, made into compost to nourish the plants around the pond where he could often be found hunting. Kitty says, “Murphy used to try to fish and he’d cough and sneeze with water in his snout but little terriers don’t give up easily.”

This garden is not about grouping plants just so, or color combinations, or varying garden fads. This garden is about daydreaming, playfulness and discovery. It is about strolling slowly and always choosing a new path of discovery. With most every path leading to a fork with two or three choices to meander down, it is possible to walk through this 7 tiered water garden with over 5 waterfalls over and over again and still not have traveled on every combination of paths. There is the path Captain made that is an homage to the water snakes, or the finely manicured path that is most often tread, or the path that consists of giant boulders that teeter above the flowing waters below for the adventurous giving you the illusion of walking on water, or the path that invites you to sit next to the meditating Buddha and listen to the quickening waterfall crash against the rocks, the choices are varied and endless and each path leads you somewhere just as magnificent as the last.

The bullfrogs are mating and the bellows back and forth are like defunct whoopy cushions deflating, these big boys are the size of dinner plates. When they dive into the water it can be startling if you are unprepared to see a frog of that fortitude swim by. Kitty is looking forward to the impending arrival of a slew of butterflies to feast on her Bee Balm plants and Butterfly Weed. Small touches are peppered throughout the garden like rocks which are scattered about the massive outdoor oasis with words like “harmony”, “dream” and next to the rock emblazoned with the word “laugh” sits a little Buddha giggling his way to bliss. Captain and Kitty Gray are incredibly fortunate to have such an astonishing retreat to create new memories in and to have such a tranquil spot to meditate and remember days gone by and people who always will linger, even if only in the mind’s eye. As Kitty and Captain Gray take another walk around their water garden and tread on paths they have seen a hundred times before, still they will laugh at a clever saying emblazoned on a rock, they will notice a new bloom or animal that is calling this garden home and they will live a life for today.

Bricks Which Inspired the Garden Read:

Ryan Scott Gray 1972-1990

He dreamed big dreams

Fashioned his world

With love and perseverance

And triumphed over disability

His lesson to us all

Live fully today and

Look forward to tomorrow

Play hard Ryan

Love Dad & Mom